So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
