I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
