just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
