Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you will always have a special place in my vag
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
