I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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