Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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