Where is the hickey?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
