can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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