He is an equal opportunity slut.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
