When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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