Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize