he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
