All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
