All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
