i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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