I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
