Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
