She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
