Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
