hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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