I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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