i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize