benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize