He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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