Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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