even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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