Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
