I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
