What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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