The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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