What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
