is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
