Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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