Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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