Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Watching her eat just hurts me
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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