I think im going to throw up on grandma
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My vagina is very pro this idea
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
