so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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