I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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