So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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