You work out of a Hotel?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
