Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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