I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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