Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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