Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
