This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
