i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
