I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
