Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize