hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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