Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
