he puts the penis in happiness.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize