I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize