Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
