that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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