the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize