Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
