Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Every concussion has its silver lining
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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