We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
