throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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