2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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