he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
