Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Text me some of your sweat
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
