everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
