In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
