But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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