Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
