Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Well I just put wine in my tea
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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