We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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