I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
