Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
