I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
