direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
