You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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