What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
