You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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